Why Routines Often Fail in ADHD Families (and How to Make Them Stick)

Picture this: It’s Monday morning, and the house is alive with chaos. One child can’t find their socks, the other forgot about a school project due today, and you’re trying to juggle it all while preparing for your own busy day. Sound familiar? For many ADHD families, this scenario isn’t the exception—it’s the rule.

Like many families, I’m sure you’ve tried routines before, hoping to reduce the chaos, but they only worked for a week before falling apart. You’re not alone…

Why Routines Matter (But Often Fail)

For ADHD families, routines can be a game-changer—but only if they’re built to work with the ADHD brain, not against it. Traditional advice often assumes a level of consistency that’s hard to maintain in a busy family where ADHD challenges, emotional ups and downs, and continual firefighting and dealing with urgent events are the norm.

Here are some common reasons routines fail:

1. Unrealistic Expectations: Setting up a Pinterest-perfect schedule that doesn’t fit your family’s actual energy levels or needs.

2. Lack of Follow-Through: ADHD brains struggle with consistency, so routines often lose momentum without built-in support and structure.

3. Rigid Systems: When routines don’t allow for flexibility, they can break down the moment life gets chaotic.

4. Conflict Over Routines: Family members may resist routines if they feel more like rules or restrictions than tools to help.

How to Create ADHD-Friendly Routines That Stick

The key to successful routines in ADHD families is to approach them with understanding, creativity, and flexibility. Here are some ADHD specific strategies to help you build routines that last:

1. Start Small and Build Gradually: Focus on one area at a time—like mornings or homework—and celebrate small wins. Success in one area will motivate you to tackle the next.

2. Customize for Your Family: No two ADHD families are the same. Design routines around your family’s unique energy levels, interests, and executive functions. For instance, if your kids struggles to remember steps in a task, start by discussing what the steps are and then work together to put them in a logical order.

3. Incorporate Fun and Rewards: Turn routines into games or challenges. Use tools like timers, apps, or small rewards to make the process more engaging and exciting for kids.

4. Create Fallback Routines: Life gets messy, and that’s okay. Have a simplified version of your routine ready for days when things don’t go as planned. This may mean, prioritising the 2 most important steps that MUST get done even when running short on time.

5. Involve the Whole Family: Let everyone have a say in creating the routine. When kids (and spouses) feel involved, they’re more likely to stick with it.

6. Check In and Adapt: Routines aren’t static. Regularly assess what’s working and what’s not, and be willing to make changes as needed. For children with ADHD, this may mean changing up the rewards or setting a new time challenge every two weeks.

Why It’s Worth It

When Sarah’s family started using these strategies, their mornings transformed. What used to be a chaotic scramble leaving everyone overwhelmed and frustrated before the day had really even started became a predictable flow. Sarah’s kids enjoyed earning rewards for sticking to their morning checklist, and even her skeptical husband started noticing how much calmer the household felt.

Routines aren’t just about getting things done; they’re about reducing stress, helping to avoid decision fatigue and helping everyone feel more in control.

Ready to Transform Your Family’s Routines?

If you’re tired of routines that don’t work for your family and are ready to create ones that do, I’d love to invite you to my free 3-day training for ADHD families, February 4-6, 2025.

Together, we’ll cover:

• Why traditional routines don't work for kids with ADHD 
  — so that you can stop feeling frustrated and start understanding what truly works for your child and your family.

• How to reduce chaos at home and make every part of your day easier.
  — so that your mornings, evenings, and everything in between feel calmer and more manageable.

• A step-by-step plan to build routines that stick. 
  — so that you can create a predictable, stress-free structure that supports your child’s success.

• It’s time to stop fighting the routine battle and start winning.
  — so that you can enjoy more connection, cooperation, and peace in your home.

Sign up here to join the training and take the first step toward a calmer, more harmonious home today.