How RSD impacts relationships
How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Impacts Relationships and What You Can Do About It
Imagine this: Your partner makes a casual comment about the laundry still sitting in the basket. Logically, you know it’s just an observation, maybe even a mild frustration. But before you can stop yourself, a wave of shame and hurt crashes over you. Your mind races “They think I’m lazy. They’re disappointed in me. Maybe they don’t even love me anymore.”
This is the reality of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) in relationships. For those with ADHD, RSD can turn minor criticism, even perceived criticism, into deep emotional wounds. It’s not about being overly sensitive (although most people with ADHD are highly sensitive people). It’s about experiencing rejection (real or imagined) as excruciatingly painful. And when one or both partners in a relationship struggle with RSD, misunderstandings, conflicts, and emotional distance can grow quickly.
How RSD Affects Relationships
Overreacting to Criticism (or Perceived Criticism)
A simple request or a neutral statement can feel like a harsh critique, triggering an intense emotional response. This can lead to defensive reactions, shutting down, or even lashing out at a loved one.Fear of Conflict and Avoidance
Many people with RSD go out of their way to avoid conflict because they fear rejection. This can mean suppressing emotions, agreeing to things they don’t truly want, or withdrawing completely, none of which foster healthy communication.Constant Need for Reassurance
When rejection feels unbearable, some individuals seek continuous validation from their partner, asking questions like, “Are you mad at me? Do you still love me?” While reassurance is helpful to a point, excessive seeking can put a strain on the relationship.Emotional 'Shutting Down' or Stonewalling
Instead of reacting outwardly, some people with RSD disconnect and shut down, appearing cold or distant. This is often misunderstood as a lack of caring when, in reality, it’s self-protection from overwhelming emotions.Impulsivity in Emotional Reactions
Because RSD responses can be so intense, they often happen before logical thinking kicks in. This might result in saying things in the heat of the moment that later lead to regret.
What Can You Do About It?
If you or your partner struggle with RSD, awareness is the first step. Here’s how you can work toward a healthier relationship:
✔ Pause Before Reacting – Take a deep breath and ask yourself: Is this actual rejection, or does it just feel that way? Creating space between the trigger and the reaction can help de-escalate emotions.
✔ Use a Code Word – Agree on a neutral word or phrase that signals when RSD is taking over. This can help break the cycle and create a pause before reactions escalate.
✔ Validate Each Other’s Feelings – Instead of dismissing RSD reactions, acknowledge them. A simple I can see that hurt you. That wasn’t my intention can go a long way in reducing emotional pain.
✔ Communicate Needs Clearly – Let your partner know what helps (or doesn’t help) when RSD is triggered. Do you need reassurance? Space? A moment to breathe? The more your partner understands, the better they can support you.
✔ Work on Emotional Regulation Strategies – RSD isn’t about being ‘too emotional.’ It’s about learning how to manage and navigate those emotions effectively. Techniques like mindfulness, journaling, and therapy or working with a coach can help.
✔ Seek Support – If RSD is affecting your relationship deeply, working with an ADHD-informed coach or therapist can help you develop strategies to improve communication and emotional resilience.
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria can make relationships feel like an emotional rollercoaster, but it doesn’t have to control them. With awareness, communication, and the right strategies, couples can navigate RSD together and learn to build deeper understanding, connection, and resilience.
Have you experienced RSD in your relationships? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Drop a comment below or share your experience! And if you and your partner feel like you are stuck in the dance of RSD, get in touch and let’s have a chat. I regularly work with couples struggling with the fallout of unmanaged ADHD and RSD.