ADHD is Just an excuse for bad behavior
Ever heard this statement before? “ADHD is just an excuse for bad behavior?” It’s one of the biggest myths about ADHD—and one of the most harmful.
This belief oversimplifies a complex neurodevelopmental condition and ignores the very real struggles faced by children and adults with ADHD.
Let’s break this down and talk about why ADHD is not an excuse, what’s really going, and how we can shift this damaging narrative.
What Are Executive Functions?
Executive functions are like your brain’s project manager. They’re responsible for keeping you organized, helping you manage emotions, and following through on tasks. For someone with ADHD, this project manager often struggles to stay on top of things.
Here’s what that looks like:
Forgetting appointments or assignments? It’s not carelessness—it’s difficulty managing memory, organization and keeping track of time.
Interrupting conversations? Not rudeness—it’s impulsivity kicking in before the pause button can.
Big emotional outbursts? That’s emotional dysregulation, where it’s hard to calm down once things escalate, or to stop the train once it has left the station.
Arguing back? It could be impulsivity combined with emotional dysregulation, not defiance for the sake of it.
Meltdowns over small frustrations? That’s emotional regulation hitting its limit, not a bad attitude.
These behaviors aren’t about being lazy, rude, or careless—they’re about a brain that works differently. ADHD isn’t a choice—it’s the way the brain is wired. These behaviors are not the problem, but the symptoms of a deeper challenge.
What’s Dopamine Got to Do with It?
Motivation doesn’t just happen—it’s linked to dopamine, the brain’s reward chemical. For kids and adults with ADHD, dopamine levels are often lower, making it harder to start or stick with tasks that don’t feel immediately interesting or rewarding.
Ever wonder why your child can hyperfocus on a video game but can’t finish their homework? That’s ADHD. Their brain craves the stimulation and instant rewards a game provides, while homework offers...well, not much of that.
This isn’t a sign of laziness or poor parenting—it’s a neurochemical difference that requires understanding and support, not judgment.
Why Do Some Kids Always Argue?
For some children with ADHD, there’s an extra layer of challenge: Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). ODD is a condition that often coexists with ADHD and is marked by a pattern of arguing, defiance, and refusal to follow rules—especially with authority figures like parents (hello, moms!).
Here’s why this happens:
Feeling Overwhelmed: Kids with ADHD and ODD often feel like they’re constantly failing or being told what to do. Arguing becomes their way of regaining a sense of control.
Emotional Reactivity: Difficulty regulating emotions means small requests (“Can you put on your shoes?”) can feel like massive demands, triggering a fight-or-flight response.
Impulsivity Meets Defiance: With ADHD, impulsivity can lead to blurting out “No!” before they’ve even had time to process what you’re asking.
As a parent, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck in a battle. But understanding the “why” behind the behavior is a game-changer. These kids aren’t trying to be difficult; they’re struggling to manage emotions, impulses, and frustration.
So, how do we move past this myth that ADHD is just an excuse for bad behavior? It starts with understanding and reframing what we see.
Three Key Shifts to Better Support Kids with ADHD and ODD
1.Behavior as Communication
If your child is arguing or refusing, pause and ask yourself: What’s behind this? Are they tired, overwhelmed, or feeling criticized? Often, oppositional behavior stems from deeper struggles, not intentional defiance. By understanding the trigger, you can respond with empathy instead of frustration.
2. Support Over Judgment
Kids with ADHD and ODD often feel like they’re under constant scrutiny. In fact, according to Dr. William Dodson, M.D., children with ADHD receive, on average, 20,000 more negative messages by the age of 10 than their neurotypical peers. Imagine how heavy that criticism feels—especially when paired with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), which makes them even more sensitive to perceived rejection.
Instead of piling on criticism, offer strategies that reduce overwhelm, such as clear routines, breaking tasks into smaller steps, and providing choices. Support doesn’t mean letting them off the hook; it means setting them up for success.
3. Find Their Strengths
ADHD—and even ODD—comes with unique strengths. Many kids with these conditions are creative, determined, and quick thinkers. Shifting your focus to their positives, like their out-of-the-box thinking or resilience, helps balance the challenges. They need to hear what they’re doing right, not just what’s going wrong.
By implementing these shifts, you can help your child navigate their challenges while building their confidence and emotional resilience. Kids with ADHD and ODD aren’t trying to be difficult—they’re trying to figure out how to thrive in a world that often misunderstands them.
When we dismiss ADHD as an excuse, we’re invalidating the real, daily struggles that children and adults face. By understanding the science behind ADHD—how it affects executive functions and motivation—we can replace judgment with empathy.
So the next time someone says, “ADHD is just an excuse for bad behavior,” challenge them to dig a little deeper. ADHD isn’t an excuse; it’s an explanation. And understanding it is the first step toward helping those you love with ADHD thrive.
What strengths have you noticed in your child? Share them in the comments—I’d love to celebrate them with you!